(Pestering) Hollywood part 1: Sean Bonner Can I Watch Your Movie?
Writing by alphabete on Sunday, 25 of October , 2009 at 1328
This is part 1 of the series “Six Days of (Pestering) Hollywood”
Recently Sean Bonner and Allen Morgenstern published a book. A long long time ago on his very old website he published some stories of mine and I’ve never forgotten that or stopped stalking him. So when he told me about his book I jumped at the chance to be creepily internet-close to him for even just a few moments. You should go read it now- his book, I mean. Those stories are long gone (on my HD in a folder of shame). Its a free ebook called “Hi Hollywood” and it contains a grip (6) of entertaining movie treatments that Hollywood really should consider looking at but won’t because they have Michael Bay Disease. I can say with absolute truth that if this book were made into a special edition DVD set with all the films from this book contained therein, I would have it on my Amazon Wishlist several times so that I could inflict it on those I hold near and dear.
Since I promised at least twice that I would review this book here, I decided that I had better do it, and in a way that didn’t say “phoned it in because she had dishes to do and was in a rush” so I put the dishes on hold (they were already on hold since yesterday so I don’t think they care) and came to my computer. I’m a busy girl and acquiring even more busy as I plan for NaNoWriMo so I decided to spend some quality time with one treatment per day, which seems doable and will actually have me writing for 6 days in a row which you know I never do if you’ve been here before.
Without any more ado, ackadoo, or hoochie coochie coo, here is part 1 of my review of Sean Bonner and Allen Morgenstern’s “Hi Hollywood” in Technitext.
Brunch of the Dead
I don’t know a lot about script treatments. What I do know, however, is that I love Christopher Walken. He’s a man I am both frightened of and want to make out with at the same time. That being said, he’s the perfect casting choice for the main doctor. Charlize Theron as the hot nurse is also a great choice because she’s actually hot and wouldn’t have to tone down her looks to get Oscar cred in this film. Zombies are still hot hot hot in the movies right now and what with all of the zombie films being released there are new iterations all the time: fast zombies, smart zombies, (inexplicably) sexy zombies. Bonner and Morgenstern take it to a whole ‘nother level with this treatment which is ripe with potential.
Suggested Cast
Christopher Walken: doctor
Charlize Theron: hot nurse
For the oldsters or actors pretending to be oldsters I would love to see luminaries such as Jessica Tandy, Wilford Brimley, and that guy from the Six Flags commercials.
Plot
A seemingly mundane household appliance causes a seemingly strange thing to happen to seemingly dead (old) people.
Best Dialogue
OLD GUY #2: Darn thing’s broken.
OLD GUY: Did you push the buttons?
OLD GUY #2: I closed the door.
OLD LADY: Don’t fill the bathtub up past the middle or it will spill out and ruin my tiles!
OLD GUY: You have to press those buttons.
OLD GUY #2: [squinting towards the microwave] What do they say? Is there a soup button?
Crowning Moment
When they get the dead to raise their hands.
Final Analysis
Hollywood loves (at least) 3 things: Cute things, old people, and zombies. A fourth would be saving on production costs by using utter crap in whatever capacity they can but that’s neither here nor there. When I read this script I felt the love too, and I could hardly breathe when my heart swelled as I read about these cute old zombies. Actually old people generally don’t have their own teeth so perhaps the word here is nombies.
I predict this movie would earn Charlize Theron critical acclaim for playing the sympathetic nurse and earn Christopher Walken even more fearful respect than he already has. Surely the director of this film will win at least one Golden Globe and the stars accorded Oscar nods. It looks to be action-packed and comical, with the right amount of poignancy to balance it out. More than just a thrill ride, I think this film would be cathartic for doctors, hot nurses, and anyone who wanted to shoot an old person but didn’t have a good enough reason.
This treatment rates an astounding five momspiders:
Walken brings it hard in this treatment
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s review of “Disaster”, a movie with an ending that will make you cheer, throw popcorn, and weep with dismay that it isn’t really true.
(Momspider image courtesy of Goonigoogoo of Bigger than Cheeses, momspider rating images thanks to Sittingbear of Dust)
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Pingback by deus ex why zed » Pestering Hollywood Day 2, or “This totally isn’t about you”
Made Monday, 26 of October , 2009 at 1130
[...] but don’t email it to your friends. You may recall yesterday I gave five momspiders to “Brunch of the Dead” for its astounding potential to make you laugh, cry, and shoot oldsters. Today I will be [...]
Pingback by Hi Hollywood Gets Reviewed. Every. Single. Bit.
Made Monday, 2 of November , 2009 at 1054
[...] Review of ‘Brunch of the Dead’ [...]
